Wow. I guess I didn't need to buy Digg to get onto the home page. Yes my first post got Dugg, was fBook liked, and was StumbledUpon. Anyway.

This new post is meant only for VCs ONLY. I'm a newish partner but I get the same deal flow as legendary VCs. I won't name drop, but I have some pretty big names with some pretty big exits under my watch. I got them because of two patented techniques...

Here is my second Digg home page submission, "How to Outmanuever Another VC."

(1) I talk to and woo retards.

Yes I said "retard."

Everyone should know the entrepreneur I am talking about.

Far worse than a tail-sniffing associate at a competing venture firm, the retarded entrepreneur is horrible to talk to but extremely necessary in my scheme in seeking alpha.

My father and I have this theory. We think the best entrepreneurs never show up at these so-called VC entrepreneur mixers. Heck, I've never gotten a direct deal at a tech conference, true story. I just go because of all the hot PR girls.

OK, back on point.

I go to meet the retards at these tech conferences so that they tell their friends coding underneath a rock that I'm a swell, snappy fellow.

Wa-bam! I get a lay-down deal that doesn't get shopped all around town.

My next and last tip is weird:

I sleep on sofas.

I know what you're thinking... why sleep on a sofa when there's a perfectly good management fee to tap. We expense many-a-night at the Four Seasons.

Well, I sleep on sofas to do the work building the relationship on the front end. Most other VCs are immersed in board meetings, board dinners and board conference calls.

Me, I don't do those because they don't help.

Don't get me wrong, for the corporation minutes, I clock-in and clock-out but I use the LIFO technique. Yes, I'm last in, 1ST out.

When I say sleep on sofas, it isn't some sexual euphimism. It really means spend time with the entrepreneur during its birth and business model discovery.

Also, I'll sleep on some entrepreneur's sofa until I cram an A round before the kid is even thinking "seed" fundraising. I'm your friend and family (especially when I sleep on your futon).

Want me to leave so you can hook up in peace and privacy?! Sign off on the term sheet and take my money.

Well, now you know what I know. Good luck doing what I do.